“If I could choose just one super power, I would choose calming down.” @Eden_Eats

It was just a few months after my best friend passed away and I became guardian of her one-year-old daughter. I’m pretty sure I was still in total shock. Shock is a fairly normal response when you’ve been married for 25 years, you’ve already raised your kids when suddenly you are parents of a toddler again.

It’s like whiplash. 

My youngest biological daughter, 20 years old at the time, told my husband and I we needed to watch Life As We Know It with Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. It’s where two single adults become caregivers to an orphaned girl when their mutual best friends die in an accident.

Watching the movie was a beyond-ridiculous experience. Almost every scene had us staring at the TV with an “I can’t believe this is our life” look on our faces while we went from laughing to crying and back to laughing again.

We chose to be there for babygirl and we would do it all over again.* But I had no idea what was about to happen to my heart. After about three months of shock, navigating the trauma like a zombie, anxiety like I’ve never experienced before set in. Anxiety attacks that would last up to 18 hours. A dysphoric disorder. Post-adoption depression (akin to postpartum depression) and chronic fatigue syndrome to boot. 

I immediately sought counseling, therapy and my medical doctor. Through genetic testing we discovered I have a genetic mutation called MTHFR (seriously…could they find a better acronym?). This mutation, turns out, was the explanation behind my struggle with depression that spanned my then 44 years of life. 

Not that I didn’t experience actual traumatic events during my lifetime. The amount of negative high-emotional-impact life events I’ve experienced is (ironically) too depressing to list. Nonetheless, it was surreal to learn that when life got hard for me it was exponentially more difficult to come out of depression, fear and anxiety than it is for many people. 

All of this to say, when it comes to depression and anxiety, I know this one. I have had to do all the work of digging up the past, processing grief, fear and loss, figuring out how to not live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

During the best of times I maintained a low-level detachment that kept me from enjoying the good moments without reaching for a dopamine hit of some kind. But the worst times were nothing short of a living nightmare. 

Therapy, doctors, counselors, friends, worship and medication all help while we’re trying to sort everything out. Despite what religion has tried to sell us, the cure to a mental health crisis isn’t doing more for God. More prayer, more Bible study, upping your financial giving and volunteer hours are not going to help when the underlying issue hasn’t been dealt with. When we do these things in a desperate attempt to get God to move on our behalf it’s called striving. It’s not thriving. 

Here’s what I’ve found to be key to moving through powerful negative emotions: reducing the pressure of having to do all the things and entering into God’s rest. 

As I studied one of the most quoted scriptures about not worrying but praying about everything, I saw a step-by-step process to help calm the fight-or-flight response. These eight steps may not work the first time you try them. Maybe not even the second time. But if you will make this your first response to moments of anxiety, you will eventually loosen the grip it has on you as you exchange fear for peace and rest.

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*After 14-months of being her parents, and having to navigate the legal system and court-appointed attorneys, we were forced into a position to find her a forever-home. While we are heartbroken, she is THRIVING and that is what matters the most.