I have always been a driver, renovator, and high-achiever. Until I wasn’t. In 2013 I experienced a nervous breakdown. This was after over a decade of being a disciple of Jesus, reading my Bible and journaling my prayers daily, giving over and above my tithe … all the things.

Until one day I could not function. I couldn't move. It was like I was trying to walk through mud up to my waste. It did not matter what I did, what book I read, what seminar I went to, or how much I sought deliverance. Nothing was moving. 

It’s been over 12 years since that awful time in my life. Hindsight can be 2020, but only if we take the time to reflect on what we’ve been through and tell ourselves the right stories about it.

Here’s what I know: there are five reasons the best of the best get stuck, have a nervous breakdown, a mid-life crisis, a dark night of the soul–whatever you want to call the big, ugly breakdown in your life. I thought we might take a few weeks to walk through each one.

One of five reasons you are not getting what you want is if you are blaming your pain on God.

#1 You are blaming God, refusing to take ownership of where you are at.

Most of us don’t realize we blame God for, well, everything. We call it God’s sovereignty; meaning God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. 

But here’s the truth: God can’t do whatever He wants whenever He wants.

God set a boundary for Himself. That boundary is man’s dominion over the earth. Take a look at all the pain and suffering around you. If God was in control of everything, would the world look anything like this?

It wouldn’t. God didn’t do this. We did this.

Am I saying all of our pain is our own fault? No. Some of it is. Some of it is the result of others making evil (or just plain stupid) decisions that had a direct impact on our well-being. 

Regardless of where we are at in life, we have to take responsibility and quit putting the blame on God. Responsibility means “able to respond”.

Job blamed God in order to justify himself. It wasn’t until Job repented of blaming God for allowing all the pain in his life that God was able to restore Job to double the incredible life he had before.

When we say God is allowing pain in our lives we are accusing Him of sinning against us. 

How do I know this? It’s the system of justice God designed:

“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

“But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman's hand.” Ezekiel 33:6

According to God’s own system of justice, if He were to see pain coming in our lives’ and not warn us, or refuse to help when it is in His capacity and ability to do so, He would be sinning*.

Religion tells us God allows bad things to happen to good people (Job’s bad theology) because it’s God's way of making us better people. 

I would challenge you to say that to a victim of human trafficking. I would challenge you to say that to the family who lost 11 family members to a mudslide as a result of Hurricane Helene.

And yet this is the narrative of God we give the world in hopes they will believe dedicating their lives’ to Him as a worthwhile endeavor. We don’t present Him as the Good Shepherd who is always trying to prevent danger and problems in our lives.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Psalm 91:11-12

Where is this God when we are suffering? He is waiting for us to stop blaming Him for the evil in the world so He can lift us out of the pain we are in and restore to us to a greater life than we’ve ever dreamed possible. 

“Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Your rescue plan hasn’t come because you haven't even let it enter your mind yet that quite possibly God is not the one allowing this to happen to you. He won’t violate your belief so as long as you belief He’s left you to suffer for some grand purpose, He can’t rescue you.

I know this can be a hard pill to swallow. But I also know there are many of you reading this now who don’t understand it all just yet but something in your spirit is starting to shift.

The disciples, after questioning whether or not the resurrected Jesus had just walked along the road with Him asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32).

Pay attention to your inner landscape. Pay attention to the movements in your heart right now. If something is being stirred up inside of you, the breakthrough you are desperate for might be just one belief about God away.

Let me assure you that the minute I understood God didn’t send my shipwreck or let me shipwreck myself just so He could rescue me, He immediately began to move like I’d never seen before.  The pain started rolling back; the years began to be restored. Physical, financial and emotional healing came quickly.

Life began to flourish and abundance came. I no longer had to live just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I no longer had to convince myself to surrender to someone who was always out to get me. 

I know without a doubt, if you will lean into this, have a teachable spirit and an open heart, you are going to get back on the racetrack you were born for.

Check out these podcasts that will walk you through what the Bible says about this so you can stop the struggle and start healing:

Episode 17 | Profile(d): See Him As He Really Is

Episode 18 | Profile(d): Jonah, A Whale of a Tale and the Real Reason We Run

Love y’all so much!

“If I could choose just one super power, I would choose calming down.” @Eden_Eats

It was just a few months after my best friend passed away and I became guardian of her one-year-old daughter. I’m pretty sure I was still in total shock. Shock is a fairly normal response when you’ve been married for 25 years, you’ve already raised your kids when suddenly you are parents of a toddler again.

It’s like whiplash. 

My youngest biological daughter, 20 years old at the time, told my husband and I we needed to watch Life As We Know It with Katherine Heigl and Josh Duhamel. It’s where two single adults become caregivers to an orphaned girl when their mutual best friends die in an accident.

Watching the movie was a beyond-ridiculous experience. Almost every scene had us staring at the TV with an “I can’t believe this is our life” look on our faces while we went from laughing to crying and back to laughing again.

We chose to be there for babygirl and we would do it all over again.* But I had no idea what was about to happen to my heart. After about three months of shock, navigating the trauma like a zombie, anxiety like I’ve never experienced before set in. Anxiety attacks that would last up to 18 hours. A dysphoric disorder. Post-adoption depression (akin to postpartum depression) and chronic fatigue syndrome to boot. 

I immediately sought counseling, therapy and my medical doctor. Through genetic testing we discovered I have a genetic mutation called MTHFR (seriously…could they find a better acronym?). This mutation, turns out, was the explanation behind my struggle with depression that spanned my then 44 years of life. 

Not that I didn’t experience actual traumatic events during my lifetime. The amount of negative high-emotional-impact life events I’ve experienced is (ironically) too depressing to list. Nonetheless, it was surreal to learn that when life got hard for me it was exponentially more difficult to come out of depression, fear and anxiety than it is for many people. 

All of this to say, when it comes to depression and anxiety, I know this one. I have had to do all the work of digging up the past, processing grief, fear and loss, figuring out how to not live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

During the best of times I maintained a low-level detachment that kept me from enjoying the good moments without reaching for a dopamine hit of some kind. But the worst times were nothing short of a living nightmare. 

Therapy, doctors, counselors, friends, worship and medication all help while we’re trying to sort everything out. Despite what religion has tried to sell us, the cure to a mental health crisis isn’t doing more for God. More prayer, more Bible study, upping your financial giving and volunteer hours are not going to help when the underlying issue hasn’t been dealt with. When we do these things in a desperate attempt to get God to move on our behalf it’s called striving. It’s not thriving. 

Here’s what I’ve found to be key to moving through powerful negative emotions: reducing the pressure of having to do all the things and entering into God’s rest. 

As I studied one of the most quoted scriptures about not worrying but praying about everything, I saw a step-by-step process to help calm the fight-or-flight response. These eight steps may not work the first time you try them. Maybe not even the second time. But if you will make this your first response to moments of anxiety, you will eventually loosen the grip it has on you as you exchange fear for peace and rest.

Sign up below to receive two on-demand video teachings and a printable card of the 8-Steps to Calm Anxiety and Get Your Spark Back. This is going to help you!!

*After 14-months of being her parents, and having to navigate the legal system and court-appointed attorneys, we were forced into a position to find her a forever-home. While we are heartbroken, she is THRIVING and that is what matters the most.

Jesus had two very simple instructions when He sent the disciples on the mission—preach the Kingdom and heal the sick. I wonder if you consider that to be your life’s work as well?

When I began a serious pursuit of discipleship over twenty-three years ago, the first scripture God seared into my heart was Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” In context, Jesus was teaching His disciples how and how not to walk out the life of a disciple.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: They do not sow or reap or gather into barns—and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? Consider how the lilies of the field grow: They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his glory was adorned like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles strive after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:25-34

In a nutshell, Jesus was saying that sparrows don’t have to farm to be fed and lilies don’t give a thought to what they look like. Yet the sparrow is always fed and the lily more beautifully adorned than the richest man that ever lived. Sparrows and lilies don’t give a single thought to how they will provide for themselves.

The only way to live as a disciple is to spend no unnecessary time giving thought to how we will feed or clothe ourselves. Can you even imagine living like that? How is that even possible?

It gets even harder to imagine when we read Luke 9:1-6:

“When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them: “Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, leave their town and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.” So they set out and went from village to village, proclaiming the good news and healing people everywhere.” Luke 9:1-6

There is no way around it: when God gives you an assignment, don’t start panicking about how you’re going to get there, what you will need to make the journey, and what will be available to you when you get there. The only way to achieve this is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. I used to think that seeking first the kingdom meant seeking to get people saved.

Turns out that spreading the gospel, healing the sick, and getting people saved is the byproduct of seeking the kingdom first and walking in righteousness.

The what was to proclaim the kingdom of God and heal the sick.

The how was to seek the kingdom of God for provision versus the world’s system for provision and to function in His righteousness instead of their own righteousness.

To seek the kingdom of God and walk in His righteousness to preach the gospel and heal the sick, it stands to reason the disciples had to have a clear understanding of what the kingdom of God is and how to walk in righteousness.

Not to totally switch gears but I have some news. I re-upped the podcast! Finally! I love podcasting because, not only is it a creative outlet for me, but it is part of how I fulfill the requirements of discipleship. It is how I spread the Gospel of Peace and heal the sick.

This week’s podcast is pretty strong. And by strong I mean no holds barred. It will make super religious people mad and some church-going people really mad. I hope you will listen in as I talk about the massive pain I’ve experienced in the last eighteen months, how I walked through it, and what God did before the pain so I could have victory.

And keep tuning in! Because we are starting a series breaking down exactly what the kingdom of God is and how to walk in righteousness, peace, and joy!

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WATCH

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Warning: the cheesy girl analogy post 😜, but there is a concept essential to your walk with God I can’t think of a better way to explain. So here goes…

It’s like when you love that new top on the rack but when you get home it’s just another shirt in a closet full of stuff you hate.

This is the spiritual exercise of put on, put off.

You put on the shirt in the dressing room. You’re rockin’ it. The dressing room mirror takes ten pounds off. You’re feelin’ it. You bring it home.

It’s in the closet. You try it on the next morning. You try every pair of pants you have, then skirts, then shorts, then skorts and you hate skorts. The ten pounds are back, and who made this ugly shirt anyway? You’re taking it back. Except you ripped the tags off and lost the receipt.

The you with the amazing new top and the disappearing pounds is your new man. The you with the ugly shirt and the extra pounds is the old man.

The you with the new top is the full armor of God. The you with the old top is the unguarded, insecure, codependent that doesn’t know who she is and what is available to her.

What changed? The new top didn’t change. You didn’t gain ten pounds from the store to home. What changed was the mirror through which you saw yourself.

“Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices, and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” Colossians 3:9-10 NIV

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes…Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” Ephesians 6:11, 13-17 NIV

You can literally take these two verses as the mental exercises that they are intended to be. You have a new nature. Your new nature is righteous. What does righteous mean? Righteousness is when you are functioning as you should be. Righteousness is when your new nature, with its Christ-like attributes, comes forward in you because you have accepted it as who you really are.

Stop lying to yourself and put on the truth. Stop seeing yourself through the lens of fear and see yourself walking in the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline that is in you now. Today. In this reality, on this side of heaven!

Renew your mind in the knowledge that you now have a new self. See yourself taking off the belt of the lie that you can’t be healed and victorious. Literally, visualize yourself putting on the belt of truth that has been tested against what Jesus died to give you. Did He die to heal you? What does being healed look like? How does it feel? Try it on!

Which new shoes would match your belt? How about the shoes of the Gospel of Peace? The Gospel of Peace says there is peace between you and God. He doesn’t have to let you remain sick to flesh out your old man. He only sees Jesus’ righteousness when He examines you. You need to start seeing it too! Start walking through life with shoes that can trek through any storm because you KNOW God has no need to test you. He has already approved you!

That new top? Don’t lie to yourself. It fits just right. It’s the breastplate of righteousness. It’s how you take any arrow. You can take any arrow because you know it’s not your righteousness you walk in. It’s HIS. A breastplate guards your heart against lying arrows that seek to penetrate your identity. That new top is INPENATRABLE because Jesus gave it to you.

I could go on and on with the cheesy analogy but you get the point. Whatever you’re facing today, put on your new man and get rid of that old man with its lies and false images. When you use this visual exercise to write the truth on your heart, your new nature will come forward and you can start functioning in it.

It is the real you now.

At a crossroads? Me too. In a world with nearly endless possibilities and paths to take it seems crossroads appear daily. Negative circumstances outside of our control can force us into decision-making time. We might see multiple opportunities to overcome our challenge but are torn as to which one to take.

Do I turn left or right? Do I get on or off? Do I go straight or take the detour? Do I take the quick-fix opportunity or a longer route with greater potential gain? Or should I hold out for a third option?

Can I have my cake and eat it too? Decision-making time. We all face it.

The question I find most helpful in times like these might surprise you. It’s not, “Is this God’s will for my life?” This question is disempowering right out of the gate because what we are really saying is, “If I do this, will God show up for me?” We express and reinforce our lack of belief in God and His character every time we ask this question.

Maybe a better question to ask is, “Will this opportunity bring peace or strain to other areas of my life that I value?”

The Bible says, “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.” Proverbs 10:22.

“The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.” Proverbs 10:22.

The Hebrew word for rich is ‘ashar. It means to go straight on, advance, to lead on, to set right, righten, to pronounce happy, call blessed, to be advanced, be led on, to be made happy, be blessed.

The path to victory that God chooses for you won’t add sorrow (toil, pain, hurt, or hardship) to other areas of your life. You might want a higher-paying job but it requires 60 hours a week at the expense of your family and your health. But you need the money. So the temptation is to believe it is your only option instead of standing on the promise of Proverbs 10:22.

So maybe the second most important question you should ask is, “What else is possible?” If what looks like my only out is going to remove peace and add toil to other areas of my life that are valuable to me and a priority to God, what else is possible? As soon as you start asking yourself this, your mind will start mapping out other possibilities. Keep asking, keep searching, and keep knocking until you find the solution that fits God’s description of what He calls blessed. This is using your faith in His promise to gather evidence that supports God’s preferred outcome for you.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)

And trust the process. Give the solution time to come. When you let patience do its work you will find a solution that leaves you whole and complete in all areas and lacking nothing.

“But patience will have a complete work for itself that you would be perfected and complete, and that you would be lacking nothing.” James 1:4 (ABPE)

It will be worth the wait. He promised.