I have always been a driver, renovator, and high-achiever. Until I wasn’t. In 2013 I experienced a nervous breakdown. This was after over a decade of being a disciple of Jesus, reading my Bible and journaling my prayers daily, giving over and above my tithe … all the things.

Until one day I could not function. I couldn't move. It was like I was trying to walk through mud up to my waste. It did not matter what I did, what book I read, what seminar I went to, or how much I sought deliverance. Nothing was moving. 

It’s been over 12 years since that awful time in my life. Hindsight can be 2020, but only if we take the time to reflect on what we’ve been through and tell ourselves the right stories about it.

Here’s what I know: there are five reasons the best of the best get stuck, have a nervous breakdown, a mid-life crisis, a dark night of the soul–whatever you want to call the big, ugly breakdown in your life. I thought we might take a few weeks to walk through each one.

One of five reasons you are not getting what you want is if you are blaming your pain on God.

#1 You are blaming God, refusing to take ownership of where you are at.

Most of us don’t realize we blame God for, well, everything. We call it God’s sovereignty; meaning God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. 

But here’s the truth: God can’t do whatever He wants whenever He wants.

God set a boundary for Himself. That boundary is man’s dominion over the earth. Take a look at all the pain and suffering around you. If God was in control of everything, would the world look anything like this?

It wouldn’t. God didn’t do this. We did this.

Am I saying all of our pain is our own fault? No. Some of it is. Some of it is the result of others making evil (or just plain stupid) decisions that had a direct impact on our well-being. 

Regardless of where we are at in life, we have to take responsibility and quit putting the blame on God. Responsibility means “able to respond”.

Job blamed God in order to justify himself. It wasn’t until Job repented of blaming God for allowing all the pain in his life that God was able to restore Job to double the incredible life he had before.

When we say God is allowing pain in our lives we are accusing Him of sinning against us. 

How do I know this? It’s the system of justice God designed:

“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

“But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman's hand.” Ezekiel 33:6

According to God’s own system of justice, if He were to see pain coming in our lives’ and not warn us, or refuse to help when it is in His capacity and ability to do so, He would be sinning*.

Religion tells us God allows bad things to happen to good people (Job’s bad theology) because it’s God's way of making us better people. 

I would challenge you to say that to a victim of human trafficking. I would challenge you to say that to the family who lost 11 family members to a mudslide as a result of Hurricane Helene.

And yet this is the narrative of God we give the world in hopes they will believe dedicating their lives’ to Him as a worthwhile endeavor. We don’t present Him as the Good Shepherd who is always trying to prevent danger and problems in our lives.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Psalm 91:11-12

Where is this God when we are suffering? He is waiting for us to stop blaming Him for the evil in the world so He can lift us out of the pain we are in and restore to us to a greater life than we’ve ever dreamed possible. 

“Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Your rescue plan hasn’t come because you haven't even let it enter your mind yet that quite possibly God is not the one allowing this to happen to you. He won’t violate your belief so as long as you belief He’s left you to suffer for some grand purpose, He can’t rescue you.

I know this can be a hard pill to swallow. But I also know there are many of you reading this now who don’t understand it all just yet but something in your spirit is starting to shift.

The disciples, after questioning whether or not the resurrected Jesus had just walked along the road with Him asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32).

Pay attention to your inner landscape. Pay attention to the movements in your heart right now. If something is being stirred up inside of you, the breakthrough you are desperate for might be just one belief about God away.

Let me assure you that the minute I understood God didn’t send my shipwreck or let me shipwreck myself just so He could rescue me, He immediately began to move like I’d never seen before.  The pain started rolling back; the years began to be restored. Physical, financial and emotional healing came quickly.

Life began to flourish and abundance came. I no longer had to live just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I no longer had to convince myself to surrender to someone who was always out to get me. 

I know without a doubt, if you will lean into this, have a teachable spirit and an open heart, you are going to get back on the racetrack you were born for.

Check out these podcasts that will walk you through what the Bible says about this so you can stop the struggle and start healing:

Episode 17 | Profile(d): See Him As He Really Is

Episode 18 | Profile(d): Jonah, A Whale of a Tale and the Real Reason We Run

Love y’all so much!

It’s Advent time. And with the addition of our now 22-month-old, we are thinking about new traditions. If we’re to be honest, we are those parents who let the church teach our oldest two about Christmas while we overworked ourselves. I was always busy planning massive Christmas events for mega-churches. So while the girls did have some fun times, we could have used a lot more family time surrounding the holidays. And we could have done a much better job talking about and preparing for the birth of Christ at home.

I also didn’t take very good care of myself in those days. I remember visiting with a pastor I worked with a few months after resigning from full-time ministry. He asked how I was doing and I said, “I went to the nail salon for the first time in three years!” He looked at me with a mix of shock but I could also detect some sorrow. He knew how hard I worked but I never showed how little I did for myself. Probably the worst part is that my self-neglect wasn’t out of necessity either. I chose it. Whatever it was in me that needed to be needed so badly (call it what it is: my codependency) and was driving my performance-based identity just didn’t want me time.

Talk about messed-up priorities.

I’ll never forget asking Rimmel how we should spend one particular afternoon together a few years after leaving vocational ministry. He said, “Taking a nap by the pool.” and I thought, “People actually do that?”

I am older and wiser now. So no excuses.

I’ve been thinking about the various things I would do this December to remember the birth of Jesus and somehow the privilege (and necessity) of rest comes to mind. So while we will develop an Advent tradition for our second-time-around family, I’ll develop an Advent of my own.

One of these days we will break down the scene of the first communion, but for the purposes of this blog post, I will just tell you this: I’ve never been in a church that has taken communion according to scripture. Communion is to be a time of gratitude and celebration for the reality of our new man in Christ. It was never supposed to be an accounting of our sins since the last time we took communion. The church created a ceremony of condemnation rather than the celebration of gratitude for new life it should be.

My Advent will be something like communion. As I am slowing down to rest, I will reflect on the One who is my ultimate rest. I will fan the flame of gratitude in my heart that because He lives, I can face not only tomorrow but anything and I will overcome. I will call to mind that all of my tomorrow’s are in His hand and He is able to guard and protect whatever I entrust to Him (1 Tim. 1:12).

The first thing I will entrust to Him is me. He is my oxygen and I have to have my own oxygen mask on before I can help anyone else.

Here are some ideas for a self-care Advent:

• Spend my quiet time on the front porch with candles, a blanket, and a cup of coffee.

• Read my magazines when they come in (also to be done on the porch) instead of tossing them in a pile.

• Actually use my giant soaking tub and bath tray with its book and wine holder that one of my besties gave me because she knew I needed it.

• Decorate for Christmas (because design is not only my trade but my hobby too!) but slow it down with Christmas hymns playing and Rimmel’s homemade eggnog. We always seem to rush through it like it’s some big chore.

• Swap out the wine at bath time with the eggnog (spiked of course) and swap the book for the magazines.

• Take a brisk jog through the neighborhood at night when the Christmas lights are on.

• Find a new cookie recipe, bake them with my favorite organic flour and maple sugar (no refined sugars) in the afternoon, and enjoy them hot out of the oven while Charlie naps, Hallmark Channel on, with my Jim’s Organic, decaf dark roast coffee. (I don’t get paid to promote these items. These are my favorite, feel-good baking/coffee companies.)

• Take the therapist’s advice and set the boundaries around Rimmel, myself, and Charlie so the trauma and grief of the last year can start melting away and becoming a faint memory.

• Refuse to feel guilty about setting those boundaries. Maybe even have a little celebration after doing it! I have a FANTASTIC roast chicken recipe for that!

• And a girl’s night out. At the wine bar. In Scottsdale. Cuz we can.

I’m sure more ideas will come. I hope you’ll start your own December Self-Care Advent with Jesus. If there’s one thing I know about Him, He loves it when you rest in Him.

And be sure to check out part two of my two-part series, Women Can Do All The Things on the Podcast! I break down the purpose of a woman from the greatest Hebrew teacher I know!! Trust me… you didn’t learn this in church!

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Can women do everything men can do? Of course they can. It's an age-old debate amongst theologians and it's popping up again as a trending topic. Let's put the debate to rest. The truth is, it's a moot point and this podcast episode will show you why. We will break down the most controversial scriptures in the Bible's original language so you can see for yourself how God planned for women to have a greater impact than the church has ever given us. You are going to LOVE this conversation that includes in-depth word studies from THE authority on Biblical language, Chaim Benotorah!

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