In a book by one of my mentors, I recently read a quote from a man by the name of Albert E.N. Gray. Immediately inspired, I went to Google to learn more about Mr. Gray, a former official of the Prudential Insurance Company of America. The quote came from a speech he delivered to the National Association of Life Underwriters at their annual convention in 1940. I found the speech to be chalk full of candid, authoritative, not-messin’-around, how-to-get-er-done, no-excuses energy. 

I love that kind of energy. Especially when entering a new year. Check it out and email me at christy@christynarsi.com to let me know what you think!!! I highlighted my fave take-aways in case you want to get straight to the meat.

Transcript: The Common Denominator of Success by Albert E.N. Gray

Several years ago I was brought face to face with the very disturbing realization that I was trying to supervise and direct the efforts of a large number of men and women who were trying to achieve success, without knowing myself what the secret of success really was. And that, naturally, brought me face to face with the further realization that regardless of what other knowledge I might have brought to my job, I was definitely lacking in the most important knowledge of all.

Of course, like most of us. I have been brought up on the popular belief that the secret of success is hard work, but I had seen so many people work hard without succeeding and so many people succeed without working hard that I had become convinced that hard work was not the real secret even though in most cases it might be one of the requirements.

And so I set out on a voyage of discovery which carried me through biographies and autobiographies and all sorts of dissertations on success and the lives of successful individuals until I finally reached the point at which I realized that the secret I was trying to discover lay not only in what individuals did, but also in what made them do it.

I realized further that the secret for which I was searching must not only apply to every definition of success, but since it must apply to everyone to whom it was offered it must also apply to everyone who had ever been successful. In short, I was looking for the common denominator of success.

And because that is exactly what I was looking for, that is exactly what I found.

But this common denominator of success is so big, so powerful, and so vitally important to your future and mine that I’m not going to make a speech about it. I’m just going to “lay it on the line” in words of one syllable, so simple that everyone can understand them.

The common denominator of success – secret of success of every individual who has ever been successful – lies in the fact that he or she formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.

It’s just as true as it sounds and it’s just as simple as it seems. You can hold it up to the light, you can put it to the acid test, and you can kick it around until it’s worn out, but when you are all through with it, it will still be the common denominator of success, whether we like it or not.

It will still explain why some individuals have come into this business of ours with every apparent qualification for success and given us our most disappointing failures, while others have come in and achieved outstanding success in spite of many obvious handicaps. And since it will also explain your future, it would seem to be a mighty good idea for you to use it in determining just what sort of a future you are going to have. In other words, let’s take this big, all-embracing secret and boil it down to fit the individual you.

If the secret of success lies in forming the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do, let’s start the boiling-down process by determining what are the things that failures don’t like to do. The things that failures don’t like to do are the very things that you and I and other human beings, including successful people, naturally don’t like to do. In other words, we’ve got to realize right from the start that success is something which is achieved by the minority of people, and is therefore unnatural and not to be achieved by following our natural likes and dislikes nor by being guided by our natural preferences and prejudices.

The things that failures don’t like to do, in general, are too many and too obvious for us to discuss them here, and so, since our success is to be achieved in the sale of life insurance, let us move on to a discussion of the things that we as life insurance agents don’t like to do. Here, too, the things we don’t like to do are too many to permit of specific discussion, but I think they can all be disposed of by saying that they all emanate from one basic dislike peculiar to our type of selling. We don’t like to call on people who don’t want to see us and talk to them about something they don’t want to talk about. Any reluctance to follow a prospecting program, to use prepared sales talks, to organize time and to organize effort are all caused by this one basic dislike.

Perhaps you have wondered what is behind this peculiar lack of welcome on the pan of our prospective buyers. Isn’t it due to the fact that our prospects are human too? And isn’t it true that average human beings are not big enough to buy life insurance of their own accord and are therefore prone to escape our efforts to make them bigger or persuade them to do something they don’t want to do by striking at the most important weakness we possess; namely, our desire to be appreciated?

Perhaps you have been discouraged by a feeling that you were born subject to certain dislikes peculiar to you, with which the successful agents in our business are not afflicted. Perhaps you have wondered why it is that our biggest producers seem to like to do the things that you don’t like to do.

They don’t! And I think this is the most encouraging statement I have ever offered to a group of life insurance agents.

But if they don’t like to do these things, then why do they do them? Because by doing the things they don’t like to do, they can accomplish the things they want to accomplish.

Successful people are influenced by the desire for pleasing results. Failures are influenced by the desire for pleasing methods and are inclined to be satisfied with such results as can be obtained by doing things they like to do.

Why are successful people able to do things they don’t like to do while failures are not? Because successful people
have a purpose strong enough to make them form the habit of doing things they don’t like to do in order to accomplish the purpose they want to accomplish.

Sometimes even our best producers get into a slump. When people go into a slump, it simply means that they have reached a point at which, for the time being, the things they don’t like to do have become more important than their reasons for doing them. And may I pause to suggest to you managers and agents that when one of your good producers goes into a slump, the less you talk about production and the more you talk about purpose, the sooner you will pull that agent out of that slump?

Many people with whom I have discussed this common denominator of success have said at this point, “But I have a family to support and I have to make a living for my family and myself. Isn’t that enough of a purpose?”

No, it isn’t. It isn’t a sufficiently strong purpose to make you form the habit of doing the things you don’t like to do for the very simple reason that…

…it is easier to adjust ourselves to the hardships of a poor living than it is to adjust ourselves to the hardships of
making a better one.

If you doubt me, just think of all the things you are willing to go without in order to avoid doing the things you don’t like to do. All of which seems to prove that…

…the strength which holds you to your purpose is not your own strength but the strength of the purpose itself.

Now, let’s see why habit belongs so importantly in this common denominator of success.

People are creatures of habit just as machines are creatures of momentum, for habit is nothing more or less than momentum translated from the concrete into the abstract. Can you picture the problem that would face our mechanical engineers if there were no such things as momentum? Speed would be impossible because the highest speed at which any vehicle could be moved would be the first speed at which it could be broken away from a standstill. Elevators could not be made to rise, airplanes could not be made to fly, and the entire world of mechanics would find itself in a total state of helplessness. Then who are you and I to think that we can do with our own human nature, what the finest engineers in the world could not do with the finest machinery that was ever built?

Every single qualification for success is acquired through habit. People form habits and habits form futures.

If you do not deliberately form good habits, then unconsciously you will form bad ones.You are the kind of person you are because you have formed the habit of being that kind of person, and the only way you can change is through habit.

The success habits in life insurance selling are divided into four main groups:

1. Prospecting habits
2. Calling habits
3. Selling habits
4. Working habits

Let’s discuss these habit groups in their order.

Any successful life insurance agent will tell you that it is easier to sell life insurance to people who don’t want it than it is to find people who do want it, but if you have not deliberately formed the habit of prospecting for needs, regardless of wants, then unconsciously you have formed the habit of limiting your prospecting to people who want life insurance, and therein lies the one and only real reason for lack of prospects.

As to calling habits, unless you have deliberately formed the habit of calling on people who are able to buy but unwilling to listen, then unconsciously you have formed the habit of calling on people who are willing to listen but unable to buy.

As to selling habits, unless you have deliberately formed the habit of calling on prospects determined to make them see their reasons for buying life insurance, then unconsciously you have formed the habit of calling on prospects in a state of mind in which you are willing to let them make you see their reasons for not buying it.

As to working habits, if you will take care of the other three groups, the working habits will generally take care of themselves because under working habits are included study and preparation, organization of time and efforts, records, analyses, etc. Certainly you’re not going to take the trouble to learn interest arousing approaches and sales talks unless you’re going to use them. You’re not going to plan your day’s work when you know in your heart that you’re not going to carry out your plans. And you’re certainly not going to keep an honest record of things you haven’t done or of results you haven’t achieved. So let’s not worry so much about the fourth group of success habits, for if you are taking care of the first three groups, most of the working habits will take care of themselves and you’ll be able to afford a secretary to take care of the rest of them for you.

But before you decide to adopt these success habits, let me warn you of the importance of habit to your decision. I have attended many sales meetings and sales congresses during the past ten years and have often wondered why, in spite of the fact that there is so much good in them, so many people seem to get so little lasting good out of them. Perhaps you have attended sales meetings in the past and have left these meetings determined to do the things that would make you successful or more successful only to find your decision or determination waning at just the time when it should be put into effect or practice.

Here’s the answer. Any resolution of decision you make is simply a promise to yourself which isn’t worth a tinker’s damn until you have formed the habit of making it and keeping it. And you won’t form the habit of making it and keeping it unless right at the start you link it with a definite purpose that can be accomplished by keeping it, in other words, any resolution or decision you make today has to be made again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the next, and so on. And it not only has to be made each day, but it has to be kept each day for if you miss one day in the making or keeping of it, you’ve got to go back and begin all over again. But if you continue the process of making it each morning and keeping it each day, you will finally wake up some morning, a different person in a different world, and you will wonder what has happened to you and the world you used to live in.

Here’s what has happened. Your resolution or decision has become a habit and you won’t have to make it on this particular morning. And the reason for your seeming like a different person living in a different world lies in the fact that for the first time in your life, you have control of yourself and control of your likes and dislikes by surrendering to your purpose in life. That is why behind every success there must be a purpose and that is what makes purpose so important to your future. For in the last analysis, your future is not going to depend on economic conditions or outside influences of circumstances over which you have no control. Your future is going to depend on your purpose in life. So let’s talk about purpose.

First of all, your purpose must be practical and not visionary. Some time ago, I talked with a woman who thought she had a purpose which was more important to her than income. She was interested in people’s suffering and she wanted to be placed in a position to alleviate that suffering. But when we analyzed her real feelings, we discovered, and she admitted it, that what she really wanted was a real nice job dispensing charity with other people’s money and being well paid for it, along with the appreciation and feeling of importance that would naturally go with such a job.

But in making your purpose practical, be careful not to make it logical. Make it a purpose of the sentimental or emotional type. Remember needs are logical while wants and desires are sentimental and emotional. Your needs will push you just so far, but when your needs are satisfied, they will stop pushing you. If, however, your purpose is in terms of wants or desires, then your wants and desires are fulfilled.

Recently I was talking with a young man who long ago discovered the common denominator of success without identifying his discovery. He had a definite purpose in life and it was definitely a sentimental or emotional purpose.

He wanted his children to go through college without having to work their way through as he had done. And he wanted his wife, and mother of his children, to enjoy the luxuries and comforts and even necessities, which had been denied his own mother. And he was willing to form the habit of doing things he didn‘t like to do in order to accomplish this purpose.

Not to discourage him, but rather to have him encourage me, I said to him, “Aren’t you going a little too far with this thing? There’s no logical reason why your children shouldn’t be willing and able to work their way through college just as their father did. Of course they’ll miss many of the things that you missed in your college life and they’ll probably have heartaches and disappointments. But if they’re any good, they’ll come through in the end just as you did. And there’s no logical reason why you should slave in order that your wife can enjoy comforts and luxuries that your mother never had.”

He looked at me with a rather pitying look and said,

“But Mr. Gray, there’s no inspiration in logic. There’s no courage in logic. There’s not even happiness in logic. There’s only satisfaction. The only place logic has in my life is in the realization that the more I am willing to do for my family, the more
I shall be able to do for myself.”

I imagine, after hearing that story, you won’t have to be told how to find your purpose or how to identify it or how to surrender to it. If it’s a big purpose, you will be big in its accomplishment. If it’s an unselfish purpose, you will be unselfish in accomplishing it. And if it’s an honest purpose, you will be honest and honorable in the accomplishment of it.

But as long as you live, don’t ever forget that while you may succeed beyond your fondest hopes and your greatest expectations…

…you will never succeed beyond the purpose to which you are willing to surrender.

Furthermore, your surrender will not be complete until you have formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do.

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WATCH MY LATEST EPISODE!

Here’s what I know: there are at least five BIG reasons the best-of-the-best get stuck. I introduced number one here and number two here. The third reason is this…

Reason #3: You rose higher than your sense of self would allow you to stay.

Let’s talk about your ego. ;) Your sense of self is your ego. We tend to think when someone has an ego they think too much of themselves but by definition the ego is your sense of self. Your sense of self can be under-inflated, over-inflated, or just right. 

Having an over-inflated ego is dangerous. But having an under-inflated ego isn’t healthy either. 

If your ego is too low you will experience a fractured sense of identity that will cause you to automatically opt out of getting what you want. 

Here’s how:

Your ego is driven by the belief in your heart. Whatever you believe on a heart level your ego will seek to make real to you, whatever the cost. It is like the thermostat of your life, making sure you don’t get hotter or colder than what you believe about yourself. Your ego is constantly working to make sure you do not rise higher or sink lower than your sense of self.

Let’s say that the promotion you worked for finally comes. We will give it a temperature of 70 degrees. Let’s also say your self-image is set at an internal 65 degrees. When you step up to lead in your new role, your ego will automatically turn the AC on to cool your life back down to 65 degrees.

It’s called self-sabotage. 

Jesus said something in Matthew 13:12 that on the surface makes God out to be a tyrant. Check this out:

“Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.”

For years I read this scripture wondering why if God is sovereign, why would He take away what I have if I already have so little? Seems harsh.

If we are not careful we will attribute scriptures in the Bible to God that were never about Him. This verse is one of those. Jesus never said it was God doing the giving and taking here. He was talking about the Law of Sowing and Reaping. When we sow any belief, good or bad, it will multiply. If we sow the belief that we are in lack of resources, finances, time or opportunities, we will find a way to destroy even the little resources, finances, time or opportunities we do have.

This is the ego doing its job–making sure we experience equilibrium in life. 

When we have a low sense of self and rise to positions and opportunities that threaten to raise our sense of self higher, we will tear it all down and then some. 

Have you noticed a pattern in your life where, just when the door is finally wide open for you to walk straight into your dream, some sort of disaster or distraction keeps you from going in? If that is your pattern, it's very likely you are self-sabotaging. 

It is tough to admit we are the problem.

Our ego tells us it must be God closing the door on us so we take the next
shiny off-ramp that conveniently lowers the barrier of entry so we don’t have to face our low sense of self. 

This is a very destructive off-ramp to take. It is the Blaming God off-ramp, Blaming Him for closing doors when in reality, He put the ball on the tee and all we had to do was swing and knock it out of the park. 

When we are on the Blaming God off-ramp we don’t see the ball is teed up in our favor because our thermostat won’t allow us to see anything beyond our limiting belief about ourselves.

Whenever we blame God He is forced to leave us to our own devices. When left to our own devices, The Law of Sowing and Reaping will work in lock step with our self-sabotage causing us to lose everything, including what we had before we started the journey!

Getting what we want out of life requires that our internal thermostat is set to believe we are up for the challenge, made for it, that it's our time and we already have everything we need for success! If you’re struggling with your sense of self, it's time to review exactly what Jesus died to give you and what is true about your new nature, not your old nature. It’s time to get real about your limitations and ask yourself some questions:

“What do I need to believe about myself in order to recognize my opportunity and take my land?”

“What do I need to believe about God in order to recognize my opportunity and take my land?”

Do some soul-searching and be sure to shoot me an email at christy@christynarsi.com and let me know how it’s going!!

Love y’all so much!

I have always been a driver, renovator, and high-achiever. Until I wasn’t. In 2013 I experienced a nervous breakdown. This was after over a decade of being a disciple of Jesus, reading my Bible and journaling my prayers daily, giving over and above my tithe … all the things.

Until one day I could not function. I couldn't move. It was like I was trying to walk through mud up to my waste. It did not matter what I did, what book I read, what seminar I went to, or how much I sought deliverance. Nothing was moving. 

It’s been over 12 years since that awful time in my life. Hindsight can be 2020, but only if we take the time to reflect on what we’ve been through and tell ourselves the right stories about it.

Here’s what I know: there are five reasons the best of the best get stuck, have a nervous breakdown, a mid-life crisis, a dark night of the soul–whatever you want to call the big, ugly breakdown in your life. I thought we might take a few weeks to walk through each one.

One of five reasons you are not getting what you want is if you are blaming your pain on God.

#1 You are blaming God, refusing to take ownership of where you are at.

Most of us don’t realize we blame God for, well, everything. We call it God’s sovereignty; meaning God can do whatever He wants, whenever He wants. 

But here’s the truth: God can’t do whatever He wants whenever He wants.

God set a boundary for Himself. That boundary is man’s dominion over the earth. Take a look at all the pain and suffering around you. If God was in control of everything, would the world look anything like this?

It wouldn’t. God didn’t do this. We did this.

Am I saying all of our pain is our own fault? No. Some of it is. Some of it is the result of others making evil (or just plain stupid) decisions that had a direct impact on our well-being. 

Regardless of where we are at in life, we have to take responsibility and quit putting the blame on God. Responsibility means “able to respond”.

Job blamed God in order to justify himself. It wasn’t until Job repented of blaming God for allowing all the pain in his life that God was able to restore Job to double the incredible life he had before.

When we say God is allowing pain in our lives we are accusing
Him of sinning against us. 

How do I know this? It’s the system of justice God designed:

“Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James 4:17

“But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman's hand.” Ezekiel 33:6

According to God’s own system of justice, if He were to see pain coming in our lives’ and not warn us, or refuse to help when it is in His capacity and ability to do so, He would be sinning*.

Religion tells us God allows bad things to happen to good people (Job’s bad theology) because it’s God's way of making us better people. 

I would challenge you to say that to a victim of human trafficking. I would challenge you to say that to the family who lost 11 family members to a mudslide as a result of Hurricane Helene.

And yet this is the narrative of God we give the world in hopes they will believe dedicating their lives’ to Him as a worthwhile endeavor. We don’t present Him as the Good Shepherd who is always trying to prevent danger and problems in our lives.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Psalm 91:11-12

Where is this God when we are suffering? He is waiting for us to stop blaming Him for the evil in the world so He can lift us out of the pain we are in and restore to us to a greater life than we’ve ever dreamed possible. 

“Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

Your rescue plan hasn’t come because you haven't even let it enter your mind yet that quite possibly God is not the one allowing this to happen to you. He won’t violate your belief so as long as you belief He’s left you to suffer for some grand purpose, He can’t rescue you.

I know this can be a hard pill to swallow. But I also know there are many of you reading this now who don’t understand it all just yet but something in your spirit is starting to shift.

The disciples, after questioning whether or not the resurrected Jesus had just walked along the road with Him asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32).

Pay attention to your inner landscape. Pay attention to the movements in your heart right now. If something is being stirred up inside of you, the breakthrough you are desperate for might be just one belief about God away.

Let me assure you that the minute I understood God didn’t send my shipwreck or let me shipwreck myself just so He could rescue me, He immediately began to move like I’d never seen before.  The pain started rolling back; the years began to be restored. Physical, financial and emotional healing came quickly.

Life began to flourish and abundance came. I no longer had to live just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I no longer had to convince myself to surrender to someone who was always out to get me. 

I know without a doubt, if you will lean into this, have a teachable spirit and an open heart, you are going to get back on the racetrack you were born for.

Check out these podcasts that will walk you through what the Bible says about this so you can stop the struggle and start healing:

Episode 17 | Profile(d): See Him As He Really Is

Episode 18 | Profile(d): Jonah, A Whale of a Tale and the Real Reason We Run

Love y’all so much!